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Dear The South: F#ck You

On this, the 150th anniversary of the Ordinance of Secession, from annotated rant:

Fuck the South. Fuck 'em. We should have let them go when they wanted to leave. But no, we had to kill half a million people so they'd stay part of our special Union. Fighting for the right to keep slaves - yeah, those are states we want to keep.

And now what do we get? We're the fucking Arrogant Northeast Liberal Elite? How about this for arrogant: the South is the Real America? The Authentic America. Really?

Cause we fucking founded this country, assholes. Those Founding Fathers you keep going on and on about? All that bullshit about what you think they meant by the Second Amendment giving you the right to keep your assault weapons in the glove compartment because you didn't bother to read the first half of the fucking sentence? Who do you think those wig-wearing lacy-shirt sporting revolutionaries were? They were fucking blue-staters, dickhead. Boston? Philadelphia? New York? Hello? Think there might be a reason all the fucking monuments are up here in our backyard?

No, No. Get the fuck out. We're not letting you visit the Liberty Bell and fucking Plymouth Rock anymore until you get over your real American selves and start respecting those other nine amendments. Who do you think those fucking stripes on the flag are for? Nine are for fucking blue states. And it would be 10 if those Vermonters had gotten their fucking Subarus together and broken off from New York a little earlier. Get it? We started this shit, so don't get all uppity about how real you are you Johnny-come-lately "Oooooh I've been a state for almost a hundred years" dickheads. Fuck off.

Arrogant? You wanna talk about us Northeasterners being fucking arrogant? What's more American than arrogance? Hmmm? Maybe horsies? I don't think so. Arrogance is the fucking cornerstone of what it means to be American. And I wouldn't be so fucking arrogant if I wasn't paying for your fucking bridges, bitch.

All those Federal taxes you love to hate? It all comes from us and goes to you, so shut up and enjoy your fucking Tennessee Valley Authority electricity and your fancy highways that we paid for. And the next time Florida gets hit by a hurricane you can come crying to us if you want to, but you're the ones who built on a fucking swamp. "Let the Spanish keep it, it’s a shithole," we said, but you had to have your fucking orange juice.

The next dickwad who says, "It’s your money, not the government's money" is gonna get their ass kicked. Nine of the ten states that get the most federal fucking dollars and pay the least... can you guess? Go on, guess. That’s right, motherfucker, they're red states. And eight of the ten states that receive the least and pay the most? It’s too easy, asshole, they’re blue states. It’s not your money, assholes, it’s fucking our money. What was that Real American Value you were spouting a minute ago? Self reliance? Try this for self reliance: buy your own fucking stop signs, assholes.

Let’s talk about those values for a fucking minute. You and your Southern values can bite my ass because the blue states got the values over you fucking Real Americans every day of the goddamn week. Which state do you think has the lowest divorce rate you marriage-hyping dickwads? Well? Can you guess? It’s fucking Massachusetts, the fucking center of the gay marriage universe. Yes, that’s right, the state you love to tie around the neck of anyone to the left of Strom Thurmond has the lowest divorce rate in the fucking nation. Think that’s just some aberration? How about this: 9 of the 10 lowest divorce rates are fucking blue states, asshole, and most are in the Northeast, where our values suck so bad. And where are the highest divorce rates? Care to fucking guess? 10 of the top 10 are fucking red-ass we're-so-fucking-moral states. And while Nevada is the worst, the Bible Belt is doing its fucking part.

But two guys making out is going to fucking ruin marriage for you? Yeah? Seems like you're ruining it pretty well on your own, you little bastards. Oh, but that's ok because you go to church, right? I mean you do, right? Cause we fucking get to hear about it every goddamn year at election time. Yes, we're fascinated by how you get up every Sunday morning and sing, and then you're fucking towers of moral superiority. Yeah, that's a workable formula. Maybe us fucking Northerners don't talk about religion as much as you because we're not so busy sinning, hmmm? Ever think of that, you self-righteous assholes? No, you're too busy erecting giant stone tablets of the Ten Commandments in buildings paid for by the fucking Northeast Liberal Elite. And who has the highest murder rates in the nation? It ain't us up here in the North, assholes.

Well this gravy train is fucking over. Take your liberal-bashing, federal-tax-leaching, confederate-flag-waving, holier-than-thou, hypocritical bullshit and shove it up your ass.

And no, you can't have your fucking convention in New York next time. Fuck off.

"We should primary Obama, even if it's with a piece of fruit, a garden trowel, or Jane Hamsher."

GOP's Ransom Note

h/t Kos

Cal Berkeley Office Of President Uses "michelle rhee whore" As Google Search Term

Here is a screenshot of a visitor's search terms along with some other information. Notice that the person accessed TFT from the Office of the President at UC Berkeley, and they used "michelle rhee whore" as their search term.  Funny, I know!

Now, I am not trying to get anyone in trouble, and I don't think I will.  I also don't think this was Cal's president doing the searching (but someone in his office.  Or him!).  The search led him/her here.

I have another service I use for this kind of thing with more details, but I don't care enough to look into this any further.  It's just funny that the West Coast's premier institution of higher learning has faculty/employees who are just like the rest of us--foul-mouthed-Rhee bashers.

An Oldie But Goodie: F#ck The South

There are more rants here.

November 3, 2004

Fuck the South. Fuck 'em. We should have let them go when they wanted to leave. But no, we had to kill half a million people so they'd stay part of our special Union. Fighting for the right to keep slaves - yeah, those are states we want to keep.

And now what do we get? We're the fucking Arrogant Northeast Liberal Elite? How about this for arrogant: the South is the Real America? The Authentic America. Really?

Cause we fucking founded this country, assholes. Those Founding Fathers you keep going on and on about? All that bullshit about what you think they meant by the Second Amendment giving you the right to keep your assault weapons in the glove compartment because you didn't bother to read the first half of the fucking sentence? Who do you think those wig-wearing lacy-shirt sporting revolutionaries were? They were fucking blue-staters, dickhead. Boston? Philadelphia? New York? Hello? Think there might be a reason all the fucking monuments are up here in our backyard?

No, No. Get the fuck out. We're not letting you visit the Liberty Bell and fucking Plymouth Rock anymore until you get over your real American selves and start respecting those other nine amendments. Who do you think those fucking stripes on the flag are for? Nine are for fucking blue states. And it would be 10 if those Vermonters had gotten their fucking Subarus together and broken off from New York a little earlier. Get it? We started this shit, so don't get all uppity about how real you are you Johnny-come-lately "Oooooh I've been a state for almost a hundred years" dickheads. Fuck off.

Arrogant? You wanna talk about us Northeasterners being fucking arrogant? What's more American than arrogance? Hmmm? Maybe horsies? I don't think so. Arrogance is the fucking cornerstone of what it means to be American. And I wouldn't be so fucking arrogant if I wasn't paying for your fucking bridges, bitch.

All those Federal taxes you love to hate? It all comes from us and goes to you, so shut up and enjoy your fucking Tennessee Valley Authority electricity and your fancy highways that we paid for. And the next time Florida gets hit by a hurricane you can come crying to us if you want to, but you're the ones who built on a fucking swamp. "Let the Spanish keep it, it’s a shithole," we said, but you had to have your fucking orange juice.

The next dickwad who says, "It’s your money, not the government's money" is gonna get their ass kicked. Nine of the ten states that get the most federal fucking dollars and pay the least... can you guess? Go on, guess. That’s right, motherfucker, they're red states. And eight of the ten states that receive the least and pay the most? It’s too easy, asshole, they’re blue states. It’s not your money, assholes, it’s fucking our money. What was that Real American Value you were spouting a minute ago? Self reliance? Try this for self reliance: buy your own fucking stop signs, assholes.

Let’s talk about those values for a fucking minute. You and your Southern values can bite my ass because the blue states got the values over you fucking Real Americans every day of the goddamn week. Which state do you think has the lowest divorce rate you marriage-hyping dickwads? Well? Can you guess? It’s fucking Massachusetts, the fucking center of the gay marriage universe. Yes, that’s right, the state you love to tie around the neck of anyone to the left of Strom Thurmond has the lowest divorce rate in the fucking nation. Think that’s just some aberration? How about this: 9 of the 10 lowest divorce rates are fucking blue states, asshole, and most are in the Northeast, where our values suck so bad. And where are the highest divorce rates? Care to fucking guess? 10 of the top 10 are fucking red-ass we're-so-fucking-moral states. And while Nevada is the worst, the Bible Belt is doing its fucking part.

But two guys making out is going to fucking ruin marriage for you? Yeah? Seems like you're ruining it pretty well on your own, you little bastards. Oh, but that's ok because you go to church, right? I mean you do, right? Cause we fucking get to hear about it every goddamn year at election time. Yes, we're fascinated by how you get up every Sunday morning and sing, and then you're fucking towers of moral superiority. Yeah, that's a workable formula. Maybe us fucking Northerners don't talk about religion as much as you because we're not so busy sinning, hmmm? Ever think of that, you self-righteous assholes? No, you're too busy erecting giant stone tablets of the Ten Commandments in buildings paid for by the fucking Northeast Liberal Elite. And who has the highest murder rates in the nation? It ain't us up here in the North, assholes.

Well this gravy train is fucking over. Take your liberal-bashing, federal-tax-leaching, confederate-flag-waving, holier-than-thou, hypocritical bullshit and shove it up your ass.

And no, you can't have your fucking convention in New York next time. Fuck off.

Senate Confirmation Rules

SENATE RULES XXIV,

PARAGRAPHS 1-9:

CONFIRMATION OF

A PRESIDENTIAL

NOMINEE.

BY ITAMAR MOSES

- - - -

1. Whenever the name of a nominee shall be submitted, its introduction shall, if objected to, be postponed for one day or, if there are no objections, for two days.

2. (a) When the name of a nominee has been introduced, the Presiding Officer, having taken the chair, and a quorum being present, shall immediately bring the chair back from wherever he has taken it, unless by motion the return of the chair shall be waived, the question being, "Shall the Presiding Officers bring back the chair he took?" which question shall be deemed privileged and proceeded with until disposed of, i.e. the question, not the chair, excepting as provided for in subparagraph (b).

(b) The chair itself can also be disposed of, too, sure, in the event that the Presiding Officer's doctor said this might be better for his back.

3. (a) The 'chair question' having been satisfactorily resolved, the Senate shall proceed immediately to an up or down vote on the nominee, excepting as provided for in subparagraph (b).

(b) Just kidding, the Senate will not proceed immediately to a vote. First, the President must submit the recommended forms, 'recommended' in this case meaning whatever forms each Senator happens to request. The recommended (i.e. required) forms may include but are totally totally not limited to:

• Certificate of Appointment of Nominee

• Certificate of Authenticity of Certificate of Appointment of Nominee

• Certificate of Authenticity for At Least Two Items of Sports Memorabilia (e.g. Significant Home Run Ball and Lock of Athlete's Hair)

• Certificate of Deposit of Monies into Coffers of Requesting Senator's Home State

• Certificate of Ownership of a 1991 Mazda Protégé

• Photo of the President Shaking Hands with a Firefighter

The President may, if he so chooses, divide his staff into two teams to complete the scavenger hunt. The winning team shall receive a pizza party.

(c) The required recommended forms having been duly submitted, their introduction shall immediately, and without delay, be postponed indefinitely until such time as everyone sort of has the sense that it's been long enough. Whatever. It's not a science. You sort of know it when you feel it.

4. Vacay! Everyone takes six weeks off.

5. Okay. So. Each member of the Senate having used the forms as they see fit, for instance as kindling, or to write reminders on the back of to themselves of stuff they might otherwise have forgotten to do, the Senate shall now at long last proceed, immediately, to an up or down vote on the, haha, no, but really, they are nowhere near voting at this point, just relax, okay? So, no, seriously guys, next this happens:

6. (a) The Nominee having been brought before the Senate for questioning, and having answered three riddles of increasingly fiendish complexity, and thus not having been devoured by the Manticore, shall immediately, and without any delay whatsoever, begin counting to fifty million billion trillion. During which counting, the Presiding Officer shall announce, "And if you mess up, guess what, you get devoured by the Manticore."

(b) In absence of a Manticore (like, say, if they've been hunted to extinction, because someday it will be a long time from now and we, the Founding Fathers who are writing these Rules and Regulations, have a lot of foresight, and let's face it anything can happen) the Presiding Officer may simply smite the Nominee with his cutlass blade. If people aren't even using cutlasses anymore, well, then, we're at a loss. Next you'll be telling me that one of the Presidents coming up a long time from now will be Ronald Reagan. The actor.

7. Roll the dice. If you roll a six, return to step 2. If you roll anything other than a six, return to step 1.

8. Seriously, what are things like in the future? Like, if you're not using cutlasses anymore, then how the heck do people kill each other? Probably with some kind of laboratorium scientifico freeze ray, right? And I bet you don't even walk from place to place anymore but rather fly around on the backs of your slaves. Actually, slightly more than half of us are pretty sure that slavery is wrong, so we're assuming that we eventually found the courage to abolish it, probably with little or no fuss, but in case we pussed out and it's still around, I guess you could make good arguments on both sides. Well, that's not true, but who knows? Like we said before anything is possible. We still have freaking Manticores back here

9. Thusly, with all of the above rules having been correctly followed and all requirements having been met, the Senate shall, at that very instant, pausing neither for breath nor something alliterative with 'breath' that we'll add in later when we think of it... bone, maybe? No, that doesn't make sense. But anyhow, right away, and for real this time, the Senate shall vote on the Nominee. And they shall vote 'No.' Better luck next time, Mr. President.

New Report On School-Homing

WASHINGTON—According to a report released Monday by the U.S. Department of Education, an increasing number of American parents are choosing to have their children raised at school rather than at home.

Deputy Education Secretary Anthony W. Miller said that many parents who school-home find U.S. households to be frightening, overwhelming environments for their children, and feel that they are just not conducive to producing well-rounded members of society.

Thousands of mothers and fathers polled in the study also believe that those running American homes cannot be trusted to keep their kids safe.

"Every year more parents are finding that their homes are not equipped to instill the right values in their children," Miller said. "When it comes to important life skills such as proper nutrition, safe sex, and even basic socialization, a growing number of mothers and fathers think it's better to rely on educators to guide and nurture their kids."

"And really, who can blame them?" Miller continued. "American homes have let down our nation's youth time and again in almost every imaginable respect."

According to the report, children raised at home were less likely to receive individual adult attention, and were often subjected to ineffective and wildly inconsistent disciplinary measures. The study also found that many parents expressed concerns that, when at home, their children were being teased and bullied by those older than themselves.

In addition to providing better supervision and overall direction, school-homing has become popular among mothers and fathers who just want to be less involved in the day-to-day lives of their children.

"Parents are finding creative ways to make this increasingly common child-rearing track work," Miller said. "Whether it's over-relying on after-school programs and extracurricular activities, or simply gross neglect,† school-homing is becoming a widely accepted method of bringing children up."

Despite the trend's growing popularity, Miller said that school programs are often jeopardized or terminated because shortsighted individuals vote against tax increases intended to boost educational spending.

"The terrifying reality we're facing is that the worst-equipped people you could possibly imagine may actually be forced to take care of their children," Miller said.

Parents who have decided to school-home their children have echoed many of Miller's concerns. Most said that an alarming number of legal guardians such as themselves lack the most basic common sense required to give children the type of instruction they need during crucial developmental years.

"It's really a matter of who has more experience in dealing with my child," Cincinnati- resident Kevin Dufrense said of his decision to have his 10-year-old son Jake, who suffers from ADHD and dyslexia, school-homed. "These teachers are dealing with upwards of 40 students in their classrooms at a time, so obviously they know a lot more about children than someone like me, who only has one son and doesn't know where he is half the time anyway."

"Simply put, it's not the job of parents to raise these kids," Dufrense added.

Though school-homing has proven to be an ideal solution for millions of uninvolved parents, increasingly overburdened public schools have recently led to a steady upswing in the number of students being prison-homed.

h/t JJ

The Other Education Gaps

From Ecology of Education

10 Gaps in Education (that don’t get enough press)

Not all gaps are created equal.

The Achievement Gap gets the most press and seems to have the most leverage. But there are a host of others. Read on for a handy dandy guide to 10 Gaps in Education, and then add your own in the comment section.

Legislative Gap

Distance between lawmakers and teachers.

Potential Gap:

Difference between a students’ potential and the tasks they are asked to do.

Stimulant Gap:

Time between the bottom of one cup of coffee and a refill. Often described as “The Unbearable Gap”.

The Rumsfeld Gap:

The schools, teachers, parents, & students we have vs. the schools, teachers, parents, & students we want.

The Billable Gap:

When educators daydream about the money they’d make if they could bill their hours. ”65 hrs this week, times 4 weeks this month, times $125 per hour = Cha-Ching!”

The Arm Chair Gap:

When folks with no teaching experience suddenly become experts on issues in education after reading an editorial or article.

The Restraint Gap:

What a teacher wants to do vs. What a teacher must do when confronted by someone suffering from The Arm Chair Gap.

The Manchurian Gap:

Students who are brainwashed to believe that answering test prep questions actually prepares them for entering the work force.

The Coup d’Gap:

When policy makers seize the reins of the education debate by scapegoating and alienating teachers. Often characterized by language centered on market terms — accountability, input/output, achievement — and rigor with little or no mention of students, vigor, or relevance.

The Back-to-the-Future Delorean Gap:

Often experienced in schools where there is a mix between 19th century teachers/administrators and 21st century technology proponents.

Quote Of The Day II: Adam Ash

Rupert Murdoch is a Godzilla-sized propaganda shunt in the shape of a dildo jammed up the interior of humanity, pumping in a daily dose of the trance-inducing drug BOFTRAP -- bend over for the rich and powerful.

--Adam Ash

Palin's Jewish Problem Answered

A Jewish commentator for Commentary Magazine, Jennifer Rubin, wrote that Jews don't like Sarah Palin because we're snobs. Jennifer, a Jew, wrote this in Commentary, a Jewish magazine.

Jonathan Chait, a Jew at TNR, wrote a response at his new blog there taking Jennifer to task, and rightly so IMHO.

I have published comments left at TNR in the past, most notably from williamyard because he cracks me up and is so smart.  He's not the only one.  jhildner1 seems to have his writing chops too:

I think that I speak for most Jews when I say that one of the things that really caused us to hate Palin as a candidate, and as a person, and not merely view her as utterly lacking any of the substantive qualities one typically seeks in candidates for high office, is that she is what backward Americans refer to as a "straight-shooter." She is without affect or complicated agenda. She is "honest," like a slow Jewish child born prior to the days of genetics counseling. We Jews instinctively react negatively to this quality, as we are inclined toward deceit, unprincipled intellectual argument, and insidiously pragmatic and "values"-free pursuits geared toward enriching our people in the form of cash money and, if possible, destroying the traditional moral fabric of Christian societies such as the United States. Hence our firm grip upon the legal profession and entertainment industry.

Another thing about Palin worried us greatly. That is, the possibility and probability that, with the people's interest at heart, she would recommend taking unfavorable actions in relation to the financial sector of the economy, which we control, and through which we control most of what occurs in the world. Such action might have included refraining from giving us a lot of money -- an unacceptable setback. Although Barack Obama is a Negro Muslim, we knew, based upon secret communications held at our headquarters in the subterranean Gold Vault at the Federal Reserve Bank of New York, that he would continue to offer a level of support to the financial industry not justified by what backward Americans refer to as "common sense." (Yes, "common," indeed! Ha ha.) Anyway, Obama wants Malia to go to Juilliard, which we agreed to facilitate. We also taught him how to be a lousy and annoying golfer.

Photo Of The Day

The gay-hating woman is wearing a corduroy skirt.

h/t Boing Boing

American Maps

Why Things Are The Way They Are: Electrical Sockets Version

h/t Sully

Happy Birthday Google

For its b-day, Google decided to misspell itself. Funny!