Another In A Series Of Appliance Posts

Look at that fucking faucet!  Awesome, right!

You have read about my oven, dishwasher, and assorted  laundry machines and machinations. I just wanted you to know that I had to install a new kitchen faucet yesterday.

I can do light plumbing.  Hell, I remodeled the half bath when I bought the place.  I ripped out the old vanity and toilet and replumbed and replaced them.  Copper pipe and flux don't scare me.  And torches (fire, not light you Brits) are just plain cool.

The fancy faucet I bought (almost just like the one in the picture) was actually pretty easy to install and only cost $150.  The only issue was getting my less than agile body under the sink and getting leverage to remove and replace the 40 year old water lines and shut-offs coming from the wall.  It was most uncomfortable.  But worth it.

The old faucet was so gunked up that is sort of dribbled instead of flowed.  I replaced it not because of weak flow but because a tiny hole had manifested on the top of the spout and a fine mist would spray out whenever the faucet was on.  I couldn't stand wiping everything down after using the sink each time, so I broke down and bought the new faucet, knowing it would hurt to put it in.  Ok, it was just uncomfortable.  I'm not that much of a wimp.

The new faucet is amazing.  First, it's stream can reach every corner of the sink, and look good doing it.  Second, the stream is not weak.  It is strong.  So strong, that the first time I turned it on to check for leaks, I thought there was one because the powerful stream, not unlike Bridalveil Falls, spewed water everywhere because I had a lid in the sink that perfectly redirected the test-stream up and all around.  I had to crank down the shut-offs to reduce the power of the stream.  Oh, such a wonderful problem.

The Story Of The Mangled Dishwasher: Updated

Do you see the little white rectangular thing, the right side of which is obscured by the sharp edge of the sheared whatever within the red circle? Good. And you clearly see the wires, still attached to the hanging, broken whatever (referred to previously), wires which are hot. Indeed, if you notice, there are 3 little lights on telling me that my dishes will air dry, on a normal cycle, with high heat. On the right side of the bent whatever (okay, it's a faceplate) you can see the dial, the controller, command central. It's in great shape, still seated properly and rotating as if what precariously gapes to its left never happened.

The Frustrated Son (TFS) and I have had Thanksgiving here at home, just the 2 of us, twice. Both times we brined the turkey and did everything perfectly. At some point at the first Thanksgiving--3 years ago--I had to get something from the oven, forgot an oven-mit, and burned my hand. Otterpops work great in that situation (as an ice pack). This year, nothing and nobody was burned.

However, there did come a point in this most recent Thanksgiving when there was something in the dishwasher we needed. Normally this would pose no problem. But, as I have indicated previously, I have had some major appliance problems (get it?), so why should the dishwasher be any different?

I reached to open the door of the dishwasher, which opens with a bar that works by putting your hand on it like a car door, from underneath, but you sort of push up instead of pulling out. For a while I could tell that the mechanism was getting worn, or loose, because you really had to jam it up there to get the thing open for the last year or so. So I jammed that sucker up there, and it snapped. You could hear it, and I felt it. The door was locked shut.

TFS is not fond of my methods in certain situations, and in a general sense. Rightly so. I looked, briefly, for a way to get the faceplate off so I could get to the mechanism inside and fix it, or at least open the door. After 2 or 3 seconds of studying it I began to manhandle it. I was able to do the damage you see above quickly and easily, without the need for tools other than my powerful hands. I opened the door by pushing down on the little white thing in the red circle, and after our delicious dinner we put the dirty dishes in the dishwasher and ran it. Awesome.

It wasn't until a couple of weeks later that I realized the wires were hot, and 3 of them had become disconnected. I realized it when I felt a jolt of electricity shoot through my wet hand and up and down through my body (when TFS was very little, he called electricity, "trick city" the cute little f*cker). I have since taped the wires up, poorly, with blue masking tape.

How much are dishwashers?

Update: They cost about $350 (well, they also cost $1500), but then you have to spend another $125 for installation.  I thought of installing it myself, but then realized it would cost me a lot more that $125 when I screw the whole thing up.

The new one is white, quiet, has nylon racks to prevent rusting, and best of all has no center spout taking up prime lower-rack real estate.  It also has no hot wires sticking out of it, nor does it leak.  I think I forgot to mention that the old one up there in the picture also leaked.

I have purchased all the appliances from a small, local business.  They are nice, knowledgeable, prompt, fair and always easier and more personal than the big box stores.  I like supporting my little town, too.

I hope I don't see them for a long time.

Holiday Preview Appliance Post

I have mentioned appliances in the past. They like to break. There is a story behind this recent breakage, as you may have guessed from the looks of the dishwasher (which is in perfect working order!)

I'll deal with the explanation later.

My Laundry. Again. Washing, Not Drying, This Time

There are some folks on Twitter who are posting laundry blogs. I think this post, by me almost 2 years ago, is probably the best laundry post of all time. Of all time!

There's just something about laundry. The whole process (minus the folding when it's dry) is filled with, well, process. There is the separating of colors, which brings up all kinds of thoughts; American racial segregation, church and state, apartheid, the middle east, political parties/ideologies, to name a few. And those are just the thoughts that the separation of clothes into like colors brings up.

Then there is the prepping of the machine for the load. You must measure a precise amount of detergent (and maybe bleach, depending on color) and put it in BEFORE you load the clothes. I think this may be a step which many people ignore, or are ignorant about, and the step should be followed for better detergent distribution (I think because it mixes with the water before the detergent ever touches the clothes, therefore distributing the detergent more evenly). This whole part of the process involves physics and chemistry, and also constitutes most of my knowledge of physics and chemistry.

Clothes and detergent loaded (not in that order!), now the water level and temperature choices have to be made. This part of the process is partly physics and partly art. The physics involve knowing what kind of dirt you are removing AND what the fabric can handle in terms of heat without relinquishing precious color, thereby preventing the coloring of other items you don't want colored with new colors (that wasn't the art part, even though it involved lots of color). The art part is the water level. I have found that I am able to manhandle the load-size knob to get custom water levels. I can go a bit more than medium without going all the way to large, and such. It takes nimble, strong fingers. I have them, I guess.

I love watching the water fill up in the hopes that the level I chose will need tweaking. I also enjoy predicting, then seeing, which article of clothing soaks up water the fastest. Cotton beats poly by like a billion times. This part of the process is scientific observation. You learn a lot about soak rates, float limits, and the peculiarities of your particular washing machine's fill level knob.

Once all that is done, and you close the lid, you know you have accomplished something pretty big. You are able to sit down, satisfied you have perfectly prepared for a half hour of cleansing, satisfied that everything that could be done was done to insure the clothes would get as clean as physics and science would allow.

The only thing that could improve upon this process would be one of the washing machines like they have in the laundromat with the window. That would be laundry bliss.

I Think I Might Be Sick

I don't feel well, like this guy.

And, I changed the way blockquotes appear. No longer do they have borders, now they have a light blue (aliceblue) background. Much better.

Like this.

And, I had to buy a new oven.  It is like the one I really wanted.  Well, it's white like the one I wanted. The one I got is so cheap the broiler drawer doesn't hinge--it's a straight-up drawer. And the picture of it is wrong--my oven has a dial, the one pictured is digital. I have the rotary phone of ovens.

Appliances Break

The range I would like

Years ago I bought one of those little stackable washer/dryer combos for my small apartment. It was awesome not having to go to the laundromat. Then when the Frustrated Son was born, I had more laundry, but I just had to do more loads in the new stackable, so it was cool--no laundromat.

A few years later the 4-unit apartment building was sold to a guy who wanted to turn it into condominiums. I couldn't afford to buy, so I went looking for new apartments. But then mom showed up with thousands and thousands of dollars and told me to go buy a house. It was the height of the housing bubble, and I got my condo for twice what it is worth now!

But the condo came with grown-up size appliances! I could do twice as much laundry in one load! Life was a frickin' dream.

About a year later the dryer died. I was told it was in good shape when I bought the condo, but I guess it really wasn't in such good shape. So I had to buy a new dryer. I was able to get a discontinued one with a round, glass door so I can watch the laundry dry like in the laundromat. I think it cost me about $150. It was a great deal.

Then, about two years ago (or about 3 years after the dryer died) I was watching television when I heard a loud BANG in the utility closet where the hot water heater and furnace are located--right in my little living room. I opened the door to find water (cold, thank goodness) spewing from a broken fitting on top of the water heater. It had died. It basically exploded. Do you know how complicated it is to drain, then move a water heater--alone? Being very manly, it was no problem.

A few years back, when I was in the apartment I talked about up there, my landlord, who lived in and owned the building, wanted to replace the water heaters in all four units. I went shopping with her because she asked me to. Back then they cost about $150-200 for a regular 30-gallon water heater.

When mine exploded I figured I would be out about $150. I went to my local Home Depot and saw that they were all like $300-400!! I couldn't figure out why they had nearly doubled. It turns out that there were some new regulations requiring that the pilot light be electronic, and sealed. On the old type of water heater you had to light something on fire and get it up under the heater where the pilot light was. It was usually a bit difficult and dangerous, but it was cheaper.

About a year ago my washing machine started to make a funny noise. Then it died. I was able to get a used one for about $100, and it works great.

I cook many things in my rather large toaster-oven. I can do a meatloaf in it, fer chrissakes!

The other day I wanted to use my grown-up oven...

My Laundry. Seriously. This Is About My Laundry. But It's Huge!

So, its 11:20pm and I just put the boys to bed (the frustrated son has a frustrated friend over) after agreeing that I am not sure all animals require sleep (I swear I heard they do), but I am confident human children in middle school require shitloads of sleep. They agreed to go to sleep because I used the word "shitloads".

I was then able to deal with the laundry. I had to empty the dryer to get the stuff from washer into the dryer. The dryer was full of white stuff; there were socks, t-shirts, dish towels, a couple rags, you know, little stuff that you have to get piece by piece requiring you bend over, with your bad back, 10 maybe 20 times to get it all out. WELL NOT THIS TIME BABY!

I reached in and did the typical gathering motion in an attempt to achieve the greatest mass of clothing in one grab. I. Did. It. One fucking well done, finessed, practiced maneuver. It was film worthy.

Sorry. No film. You're just gonna have to take my word for it.